var randomize = Math.round(Math.random()*2)
if (randomize == 1){
top1 = "<img src='ohyeah.gif'>"
}else if (randomize == 2){
top1 = "If you email us an article or some artwork we'll mail you something free."
}else if (randomize == 3){
top1 = "You are now in the zone of <a href='../gnostri/gnostri.htm'>Gnostril</a> Clear."
}else if (randomize == 4){
top1 = "Children of the <a href='../gnostri/hog.htm'>Hog</a>, do not fear"
}else if (randomize == 5){
top1 = "Please do participate, you can't earn Groink!ster Points (tm) if you don't."
}else if (randomize == 6){
top1 = "To Groink! is but to be one with one's own bad self."
}else if (randomize == 7){
top1 = "A Zagamine is what you read after a Zigamine - both are included."
}else{
top1 = "<img src='tongue.gif'>"
}
var randomize = Math.round(Math.random()*8)
if (randomize == 1){
top2 = "groink-at-slaphog-dot-com would be an email you could use."
}else if (randomize == 2){
top2 = "Emailing Groink! can be achieved through groink-at-slaphog-dot-com, typed for humans to understand."
}else if (randomize == 3){
top2 = "The Dogslot is secret, only available to the worthy - email for details."
}else if (randomize == 4){
top2 = "Think of what you could do with all the money you save!"
}else if (randomize == 5){
top2 = "Groink!ster Points (tm) can be redeemed for an Inga or Olga Loveslave (tm) inflatable doll for those lonely nights between dimensions."
}else if (randomize == 6){
top2 = "Groink! was first published by Dr.ZenBuddha in 1989."
}else if (randomize == 7){
top2 = "A Zlonch of the Dogslot is a chosen contributor with permanent priviledges."
}else{
top2 = "God might know more about what's what than Groink! zagamine. . . Maybe."
}
var randomize = Math.round(Math.random()*8)
if (randomize == 1){
newcd = '<a href="../music/index.htm">Rock Slopera 1.0 CD</a>'
}else if (randomize == 2){
newcd = '<a href="../music/burger.htm">Satanburger CD</a>'
}else if (randomize == 3){
newcd = '<a href="../music/galaxy.htm">Galaxy Patrol CD</a>'
}else if (randomize == 4){
newcd = '<a href="../stars/index.htm">Stars<br>of the slopera</a>'
}else if (randomize == 5){
newcd = '<a href="../tpv/comix.htm">Dr.Zen Buddha Comic Book</a>'
}else{
newcd = '<a href="../music/ice.htm">Ice Rock CD</a>'
}