In accordance with the precepts of family tradition it is with all due deference to said principles that I perform the rites of “house-warming” in ways unique to one of my predilections.
First I must examine the Feng-Shui as it relates to shapes and colors. If only there was a huge blue sphere that I could juxtapose with rectangles and triangles. . .
Once I have acquitted myself of this essential I can then pass on to the next stop in my journey of spiritual cleansing.
Is there a window where a nose can be pressed so as to resemble that of a pig? This search must be meticulous as well as demanding, for no stone can be left unturned.
The necessaries now completed it is established that this residence is fit for habitation.
By the schedule it is decided that next week we shall pick up stakes, as the phrase goes, and descend on the tiny hamlet of Portland, there to make hearth and home. I do so hope that the residents of that berg are prepared for what is coming.